Advice I Won’t Give My Clients, Part 2
A MENtal Strength series article—click here for the articles home page.
As mentioned in the previous article, therapy isn't about giving advice. I provide frameworks and guide clients with beneficial modalities, but it's more about empowering you to find your own path rather than telling you how to live your life. However, based on my personal experiences and guiding clients, here's what I might suggest:
Accept That You Will Impact People
Make peace with the fact that your actions will affect others. Many men avoid risks or decisions due to concern about others' reactions, leading to missed opportunities and unfulfilled potential. It's important to be mindful of how your actions impact others, but don't assume that withholding your desires and ideas is always best. For example, if a man is playing his guitar loudly while his wife folds laundry, she might ask him to turn it down. He could consider her request, or he might decide that sometimes he needs to play loud. He could tell her, “I want to play loud for a while. I’ll stop in 45 minutes.” She might be unhappy, but occasional short-term unhappiness is better for relationships than one partner always dictating the rules.
Engage in Activities That Don’t Involve Your Significant Other
Have at least one activity where your partner isn't involved. This fosters independence and maintains individuality within the relationship. If she insists on joining, practice boundaries by respectfully saying, “No.”
Meditate
There is a secret about meditation. It’s not a secret kept by anyone’s intention to deprive the world of it, but rather one created by the nature of it.
The secret is that meditation will make your life better.
It’s a secret because 1) people don’t believe it to be true, and 2) the benefits take time. The peace of mind you gain comes gradually, and with it, you start making subtly better decisions. Over time, these better decisions lead to better life circumstances.
But to know this for sure, you need to meditate a bit, several days a week, but a little while.
Face Your Inner Pain
Strength, wisdom and healing come from confronting your inner pain. Many men use positive thinking to avoid unresolved issues. Facing inner pain is crucial for freeing yourself from limiting beliefs. Positive thought is more beneficial when you deal well with the negative. To live your best life, address and work through your pain.
Eat Berries
Berries are low-calorie, low glycemic, and can improve insulin sensitivity. Follow your doctor's advice if you might not tolerate berries, but consider integrating them into your diet for an energy boost. This doesn't mean only eating berries, but they can be a superfood that may improve your functioning and extend your life. I'm not concerned with pleasing everyone, but rather with how people weaken themselves by trying to please everyone.
Get Together with Guy Friends
Regularly meeting with your guy friends and talking about how you're really doing is beneficial. It's good for your self-esteem to have men who value you despite your imperfections. Being open with them and not feeling rejected is incredibly affirming. This camaraderie and acceptance are invaluable for personal growth and emotional resilience.
Follow Through, Trusting That Psychological Healing Takes Time
Consistency is key. Many men give up too soon on emotional strategies or therapy because they don't see immediate results. Psychological healing is a long-term process. Give it time, attend sessions consistently, and find a therapist you connect with. True change takes months, not weeks.
These pieces of advice, like those in the previous article, aren't quick fixes. They're about taking steps that, over time, will likely improve your life. However, don’t assume my advice will change your life. Make well-considered decisions before changing your lifestyle. What you’ve been doing might be working fine.
Be well! Check back next week for the next free offering.
Michael Giles LCSW is a psychotherapist who specializes in helping men overcoming anxiety, heal from trauma, and repair their relationships.
Click here to schedule a consultation.
Click here to read about his book, Relationship Repair for Men: Counterintuitive behaviors that restore love to struggling relationships.
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