Men are like dogs: Why I promote men’s mental health

My dog Lenny is beautiful. He’s got gorgeous amber eyes, a long tan body, and as a 1-year-old puppy, he’s got a playful bounce and a tail that is almost always wagging.  

I hear someone say “Wow! Beautiful dog!” almost every day.

And he’s got potential. He’s smart. He’s quick to respond when I tell him to stop jumping on a stranger or to stop chewing on a couch cushion. He loves me and my family, and he expresses that by greeting us with enthusiasm, cuddling with us, and by attacking any unfamiliar dog that approaches us.

Lenny's potential (to be less destructive)

With the right attention and effort, he’s got the potential to be a safer and less destructive dog. Our hope is that one day he’ll refrain from eating the couch without having to be reminded, and that when he’s feeling protective, he’ll consistently express that without using his teeth.

He’s got the potential to live a great life, fulfilling his purposes and loving without causing destruction.

This statement can also be applied to us. It can be applied to most men.

Men are NOT like dogs!

I don’t normally like to compare humans to dogs. We are capable of far more creativity and wisdom. And dogs often serve as metaphors for men living in lowbrow fashions, always seeking instant gratification when it comes to food or mating instincts and willing to eat shit out of boredom or curiosity.

But for the sake of clarifying why I think it is important to provide psychotherapy to men, I want to compare men to my dog Lenny.

Like Lenny, men are big and strong. This is not a sexist statement, but a statistically accurate one, since the average man has a bigger weight, waist, height and ego than the average woman.

Owning our inherent power

Like Lenny, our size and strength give us the potential to be dangerous to those around us. Lenny is more dangerous than a chihuahua, despite the fact that his disposition is calmer, because when he’s out of control, he can break more things and draw more blood.

Men come by this strength honestly, and the same is true for our inherent aggressiveness. It is also not the fault of individual men that some privilege comes with our gender. 

At all times in history, from the prehistoric scenes in 2001: A Space Odyssey to the recent attack on the Capitol, men have been expressing our strength and our drives in destructive manners. Men commit most homicides, sexual assaults, most acts of domestic violence and most consumption and management of the sex trade. 

For anyone who thinks that mental health for men should not be a priority, I have two words for you: Jeffrey Epstein. Think of the women and girls who would have avoided the suffering he caused them had he learned to take healthier responsibility for his needs.

Taking responsibility for our power

Men are powerful. So are women. Human beings, regardless of gender, need and deserve help.

The goal of this work, and much of mine, is to help men live in their power by taking healthy responsibility for their power. 

Men weaken themselves by trying to gain power over others, including over women, their children and other men. Our attention and energy are limited, and better spent on gaining power over ourselves and our own experiences. 

Don’t hope to control anyone but yourself. Relying on yourself for your sense of meaning and your own validation and experiencing your life in a way that promotes your values, you can live in your power in a way that makes you an asset to your family, your team and your community.

We need therapy

The world has already changed several times over from when humans evolved to adapt to it. Our bodies were meant to push and pull heavy objects all day long, and now we have to sign up for memberships or put equipment in our garages in order to have just a little of that in our lives.

And men used to learn how to be men from our fathers, who learned it from their fathers. Some of that wisdom is lost because we're no longer raised by men. Some is obsolete because we're evolving in good directions. And some is obsolete for unfortunate reasons.

Our world is stressful to everyone for several reasons. One of the reasons it's stressful for men is that we simply don't know what to do. And a lot of our not knowing what to do relates to women.

Let's do like Lenny

Lenny doesn't know what to do. In many situations, he relies on instinctual behaviors, and in many cases, his instincts destroy things and break skin. Even his tail, which wags constantly in 360 degree arcs to show his happiness and love, has broken things.

But Lenny is also quite smart. He responds to new ideas about how to do things differently. And he really cares. He leads with his heart, and that includes doing his best to be the best he can for those around him.

Let us do like this. We don't always know better, but we can learn. And we really want to. We've got it in us to be amazing and make amazing contributions. We can learn how.

Michael Giles LCSW is a psychotherapist who provides counseling to individuals who suffer from anxiety, depression and trauma.

Call 737-241-8135 for more information.