Psychotherapy and living mindfully
We sometimes engage in extreme behaviors in response to painful situations. Sometimes we act out; other times we clam up. We fight, flee or freeze. Some of us become avoidant and others become obsessed. We can become aggressive or submissive.
We might try to protect ourselves by controlling, or we may become adamantly opposed to having any limitations placed upon ourselves. Or both. We can become extremely strict with ourselves (e.g. extreme dieting or exercise, fanatical religious adherence) or extremely self-indulgent (e.g. hedonistic use of drugs, food, sex, porn, Netflix or whatever else we might identify as a “guilty pleasure). Or both.
Appreciate these effective coping mechanisms
These reactions are not bad in and of themselves. They serve a function, even if it’s truly unfortunate and only in the name of survival or avoiding more pain.
When these protective mechanisms dominate our behavior, we aren’t living fully consciously. We're not living for the sake of all the things we want our lives to be about. Instead, we’re living for the sake of avoiding anxiety and fear.
Consider opportunities to respond intentionally
All good psychotherapies can serve as a vehicle toward living more consciously. They do this by encouraging us to study our reactions to the world, to create opportunities to respond mindfully to challenging situations.
As we examine our triggers, and the triggered thoughts, emotions and behaviors we automatically respond with, we can gain flexibility.
When we live on “our” terms, and not only the need for self-protection, our lives become richer, more fulfilling, and possibly more peaceful and happy.
Find opportunities to change your responses
Sometimes simply being aware of our triggers and responses is enough to change our actions. Or sometimes we need mental rehearsal in the therapy office, or even practice in the real-world situation. Sometimes it’s enough to study the thoughts and emotions that happen between the trigger and the action. Sometimes this study gives us insights, or opportunities to resolve or transform stuck emotions, and then we become freer to choose consciously. And focused work on resolving those emotions usually proves quite helpful.
Sometimes the meaning of the triggers change, and they are no longer triggers. Sometimes the very nature of a validating therapeutic relationship can help change the meaning of the trigger and/or the troubling response, and so can some thoughtful and emotional questioning about the meaning of one’s life.
Escape your predestined fate
Whatever the mechanism or modality, and whether it’s formal psychotherapy or any other therapeutic activity, gaining awareness of the thoughts and feelings we have in response to situations helps us to steer our lives in directions we find more meaningful. When we continue to respond to the situations according to fears, we follow a predestined path. We follow the trail established by our determination to avoid or act out areas of discomfort.
But when we allow ourselves to make these unconscious responses conscious, we create opportunities to choose the directions of our lives. When we’re conscious of our responses to things, we can then widen the gap between the moment that we experience the thing and the moment of our response. Whether we do that through gaining insight about our responses, or learning to tolerate or appreciate our emotional responses, or changing our emotional responses, the wider gap becomes an opportunity to live more consciously.
And live life on your terms
As we respond to life more consciously, we choose responses that support what is most important to us. We feel more true to ourselves and more aligned with the lives we feel we should be living.
We feel better about ourselves. There is still the experience the wide range of human emotions, but we experience them in ways that are more empowering. Instead of limiting us, they are more likely to inform us or energize us. The time we spend reliving traumas diminishes. Moments gain freshness.
As we face our emotions in the present, there’s still work to do. Life still provides challenges, but we’re more ready and to do work with them consciously. Each step has more clarity of purpose.
And when our unconscious selves no longer protect us from good things, our intrinsic desires for learning and growth have more power. We stop putting the breaks on opportunities and connections. Instead we wholeheartedly seeking them out and embrace them.
And this is how therapy can help you live more happily.
