Mixed messages can be difficult for men to navigate. The phrase “double bind” describes this type of “damned if you do and damned if you don’t” situation. If we refuse to show vulnerability, we’re failing to live up to what our partners may have asked of us, and perhaps something we’ve pledged to give. If we do show our vulnerability, there’s a good possibility that our partner’s instinctive need to see our strength will reject us.

“Since someone will criticize you either way, you need to just do what you think is right.”

There’s no denying the stresses that reservists and National Guardsmen experience as they navigate life with one foot in the military and one in the civilian world.

When it comes to happiness, fulfillment or even genuine empowerment in relationships, the ideas and techniques of this Reactive Men’s Movement (RMM) ultimately backfire. Any responsible mental health professional can tell you why this is true, and many can help a man to find a better solution.

My main goal of writing this is to communicate that what you feel is normal for a normal person to feel during weird times. Any grief is valid. Much of what we used to depend on and enjoy has vanished.