Most of us dads live at one extreme or another with regards to experiencing our feelings. One extreme is to disconnect. No feelings. We have too much to do. There’s no time to feel feelings.  And the feelings are painful, so why would we want to? Or we find ourselves immersed in our feelings. We yell when we’re mad, or complain when we feel ignored. We tell people on social media to “F^@% OFF” when we feel offended by their stupidity.

Your ability to mindfully feel your emotions is your source of personal power. When you can't do that, then anything that triggers your emotions has power over you. But when you can allow your feelings to be present, you have the power to choose how you respond to the challenging situations that elicit your emotions.

For the sake of clarifying why I think it is important to provide psychotherapy to men, I want to compare men to my dog Lenny.

Developing healthy boundaries benefits your self-esteem, peace of mind and feelings of efficacy. And having boundaries is also a result of those positive inner states. Alternatively, if our boundaries have been lacking or weak, that can mean there's some struggle with feelings of self-worth or other unresolved emotional challenges.

All good psychotherapies can serve as a vehicle toward living more consciously. They do this by encouraging us to study our reactions to the world, to create opportunities to respond mindfully to challenging situations.

Mixed messages can be difficult for men to navigate. The phrase “double bind” describes this type of “damned if you do and damned if you don’t” situation. If we refuse to show vulnerability, we’re failing to live up to what our partners may have asked of us, and perhaps something we’ve pledged to give. If we do show our vulnerability, there’s a good possibility that our partner’s instinctive need to see our strength will reject us.

“Since someone will criticize you either way, you need to just do what you think is right.”

There’s no denying the stresses that reservists and National Guardsmen experience as they navigate life with one foot in the military and one in the civilian world.

When it comes to happiness, fulfillment or even genuine empowerment in relationships, the ideas and techniques of this Reactive Men’s Movement (RMM) ultimately backfire. Any responsible mental health professional can tell you why this is true, and many can help a man to find a better solution.